So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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