mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
