Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
