I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Duck Duck Cougar?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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