Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
