So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
