Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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