Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
