I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
