Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
