Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
