A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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