please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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