I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
