Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im holly from the hills drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
