They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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