Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize