too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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