There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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