I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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