So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
