Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
