Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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