y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
