The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize