I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
