Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
