he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
