Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
