dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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