I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The Olympian is in my bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
