I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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