I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
