My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
