I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
