everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
