we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize