sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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