we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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