the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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