Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
