Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
