hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
