there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
