I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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