This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
