When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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