remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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