i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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