next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
