Ketchup is God's man juice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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