I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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