We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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