for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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