i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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