i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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