He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize