i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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