come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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