Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
