i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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