OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize