Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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