Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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