ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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