whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
