I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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