i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
