So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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