are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
