i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
