We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
