Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize