what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
