hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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