I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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