why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
