ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
