There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
