I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
