I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
