Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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