You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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