I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
