Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
