I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
