So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
