Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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