I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
