Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
