I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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