Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
