i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
