So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
