Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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