yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
