Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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