dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize