drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
