We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
