but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
