Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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