awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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