i just wanna soil my oats bro
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
