you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
