I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
