i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
