HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
