I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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