She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize